My Background...

Bullies...I'm guessing that most people who have suffered some sought of Mental health problem such as Depression, Anxiety or even Self Harm have been in contact with one...MINE WAS AT SCHOOL-all the way through secondary school-and outside! 

I put up with mostly name calling and it got to the point of not only my so called mates saying the things they did but the younger years and as I was a timid young lad that never stuck up for myself as I thought if I didn't retaliate then it would go away...But it didn't...It got worse and I was bottling it all up inside. School didn't pick up on this and my grades were failing miserably, I received no help from anyone... WAS IT MY FAULT THAT NO ONE KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH? OR WAS IT THE SCHOOLS FOR NOTICING A BIG CHANGE IN GRADES AND BEHAVIOUR?

Needless to say I failed in every exam apart from art...KICK ME WHILE I'M DOWN AS THEY SAY! 

Not only was I bullied in school but outside of school but for totally different things, this time it was physical, and this was from a so called best friend, he used to be nice-call on for me stick up for me, and when we used play football, if I did something wrong he used to punch,kick me and name call. Then apologise and everything was fine again-IT WAS VERY CONFUSING. It got so bad I used to get home from school get in and changed and fall asleep just so when he knocked on for me, my Mam used to say he's sleeping and that was my way of getting out the way-stopping in and shutting everything out from the day at school and knowing what I was expecting if I went out on the evenings. 

Things started to look up when I enrolled at college, thinking a fresh start would be great, new people who didn't know me-new faces new place. UNTIL- a lad I was in school with was at the same college, I knew it wouldn't be long before something started, the first 3-6 months were great, I met a great bunch of lads, playing footy at lunch times. THEN THE CERTAIN WORD CAME OUT! THAT NAME THAT WORD THAT HAUNTED ME FOR 4 YEARS! And soon everyone was saying it. I finished my course and left college without going back for the second year.

Now in the big bad world of employment it was another chance for me to start a fresh, but that lasted no time. I understand that a newby in workplace gets the shitty jobs, but with the history I have it felt like bullying, and I had to go home on the sick as I couldn't handle it, once I returned after a week, the lads on the floor were giving me a hard time and I struggled to fit in. Most of them smoked weed so I thought Id try it to fit in. it worked for a while and things were OK but then i was laid off from that role as it was only temporary anyway. all the jobs after that were Christmas temporary jobs- IT FELT THAT THINGS WERE NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER!

I got my break when I started for the company who I am still with today as a cleaner (I have since bettered myself in another job but more on that in a different post).

Cleaning wasn't the best job in the world but it paid good. one my first day 17 years old-put it a van with men, grown men, scary as it was they were great, we got on immediately and I am still really good friends with one of them to this day. 

All this time and still everything was bottling up inside and I was given a real bollocking from my manager at work one day for not cleaning properly, to the point where he made me feel an inch tall, the lad who I'm still friends with really stuck up for me, and fought my corner until the manager backed down, I put up with his shit for 2 years until my mate left for a new job, I was forced to ask for a transfer and it was accepted and I was on grounds maintenance. 

For 2 years I loved it, all the lads were great, we had a laugh, a carry on, just lads being lads. AGAIN REMEMBERING THAT ALL THIS HURT AND HEART PAIN WAS STILL THERE AND NOT FORGOTTEN. 

WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF?......

I started looking at the things I could do to better myself..Firstly was to resit my GCSEs and passed them, next was do anything that I could, If I was list the things id be here all night, but put it this way it consists on 75 training courses I have completed since starting for the company. Which have helped me get to where I am today, but more on that in a different post.

THIS IS MY BACKGROUND AND WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH. 

IF YOU CAN RELATE TO MY STORY, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS BLOG FOR A LOT MORE HELP AND GUIDANCE OF WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HELP MYSELF IN THE PAST 2 YEARS. 

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ, 

IT WAS HARDER THAN YOU THINK TO BE ABLE THINK BACK TO THOSE TIMES AND ACTUALLY WRITE IT DOWN.